+- Jamericans (https://jamericans.net/yellowboard)
+-- Forum: Jamaicaholics (https://jamericans.net/yellowboard/forumdisplay.php?fid=1)
+--- Forum: Message Board (https://jamericans.net/yellowboard/forumdisplay.php?fid=3)
+--- Thread: Advice Needed Please! (/showthread.php?tid=100066)
Advice Needed Please! - rootswoman - 03-05-2014
Oh Lord,
I am feeling so helpless at the moment.
My daughter and I first started going to Jamaica starting in 2003. Some of you may remember my trip reports which were about my daughter falling in love with a young jamaican man, who I adored, and who I also grew very close too.
He had a young daughter when we met him and we absolutely loved her.
A few years back, I spent a year in Jamaica. At that point my daughter and Anthony were "pre - engaged" he had bought her a ring and she told him she wasnt ready but would consider it a "promise ring" She loved him very much but was in college working on her own career - Even her career choice of Hospitality Management was chosen with him in mind.
I moved to Jamaica for my years stay and three weeks after I arrived Anthony died in the Sav la mar hospital of Bacterial Meningitis (which he caught in that filthy place!) He was 26 years old.
It was all very hard. I worked three jobs and did not go anywhere for a year to save the money for my year there. You can imagine how many hands were reaching out to me for help with hospital bills and the burial.
I gave more than i could afford but i had to stop.
During my years stay - i would have Anthony's daughter come spend weekends with me every now and then. When my daughter visited she stayed with us for a good part of that time. She was a darling and very smart child. Her mother was a good person who worked hard and kept her children in school, well fed and well clothed.
Over the years Aldene has called my daughter on occasion but she was dealing with her own issues and knew she was in no position to help Anthony's child. Its so hard to know what to trust and while i really believe her mother was a good person it always worried me that her mother was having the child call. It was all so painful, my daughter tried to put it all behind her. Mind you if she had lots if money she would have taken care of the child on a regular basis, but the truth is, she was struggling herself.
A few years ago the child called and said she needed shoes - at that point my daughter stopped communicating with her as she just couldn't handle it.
Now, a few more years later, my daughter is doing a lot better and is managing a restaurant in Los Angeles.
Now that you know a little of the background here is my dilemma. Today my daughter received some texts from Anthony's daughter. She is now 16 years old and she is in High School. She said lost her family in a car accident and her Mother has been in a Coma since last year.
My poor daughter, her heart is ripped up right now. I told her to figure out how she can skype with the child as I believe that is free? She did say she is in High School so I am so glad to hear that. She said she isn't writing for money she just needs someone to talk to now and then. She said she always tells her friends that her Mother is in the States. Anthony (much to our displeasure) used to tell the child that my daughter was her Mommy.
If I was rich I would jump on a plane to go see what I can do to help. I wish we could bring her to the states. I have thought about this child constantly but had good faith her Mother was taking good care of her. She had a big brother who was very good to her I hope to heck he is still alive - I am waiting to hear....
I don't really know what advice I need - i just want to know what would others do after hearing this news?
I needed to talk about it I feel so sad and helpless -
I will now try and contact a couple people on facebook and see if I can get any info...
RE: Advice Needed Please! - Angel - 03-05-2014
Rootswoman would see if the accident really happened. The girl must have friends and family there. Sounds sad but have had friends who have been lied to over the years. Why was Anthony in the hospital that he got menningitis? I remember you telling about this when it happened. Your daughter does not need the drama. She is not the girls mother. Also is she sure it is really the daughter that sent the message? Your daughter quit communicating with her before. If this really happened still does not mean daughter needs to feel obligated to deal with this. There are limits.
RE: Advice Needed Please! - oldtimer - 03-05-2014
1st..find out how much of that is true and then take it from there. I ,as you know ,am so very skeptical of everything in Jamaica based on over 40years experience. If this is true OUCH !!! if not OUCH !!!
RE: Advice Needed Please! - Sophie - 03-05-2014
I understand- you are not looking for advise as much as you just need to bounce it off of your community that is familiar with these sort of situations. Bounce it off to confirm what you already know...........in for a penny in for a pound I'm afraid.
You are a nice lady- STAY AWAY from people who would take advantage of your kindness.
RE: Advice Needed Please! - kylake - 03-05-2014
rootswoman, I am certainly a newbie to Jamaica (self described) but I do see just from a couple of trips how people are played. You have a big heart as others have pointed out. I don't know all the runnings for sure but others (Angle, OT, Sophie) have given good advice. Verify, don't let your daughter feel the burden for something not hers and also don't put the burden on yourself.
Just my 2 cents
RE: Advice Needed Please! - Angel - 03-05-2014
Well think a lot of us feel the same way. My gut is telling me think you and daughter have been through enough Rootswoman even if this is real. I hope that this is not real. So don't be taken. (((hugs)))
RE: Advice Needed Please! - rootswoman - 03-05-2014
Thanks Guys,
I appreciate all of your input.
I sent out some messages on facebook to see if I can verify this horrible story.
Its all so hard - we know Jamaicans are the best scammers in the World - we also no they have the highest rate of car accidents...
I will get to the bottom of it , as a Mother my first instinct is to protect MY daughter - but admittedly my second instinct is to want to help this child... However I spent enough time in Jamaica and on these boards to know better.
Angel - when I arrived in Jamaica Anthony was quite ill. He was having horrendous headaches and was not getting a proper diagnosis for them. Although it was confirmed the meningitis killed him (they are required to do an autopsy) I suspect it may have been a something like brain cancer. He had a weird lumps on the back of his head... I will never know. Of course the flipin Negril rumor mill spread that he died from Aids. They also said he got it from my daughter! Not true, not true, not true!!!!
That was when I learned first hand about the conditions in the Men's ward at the Sav Hospital. I'll never get over some of the things I saw there.
Sophie - you are so right - it is not our burden.
Its taking me for ever to figure out how to post pictures that stupid picture in the posting box wants a URL whatever the Flup that is....
Ok now I found the place below the posting box that says "new Attachments" ill try that
they dont make this easy
I know Dread is working hard to make it easy but when you have people like me trying to use it..
if this works ill add a few more I have not been able to even lokok at these pictures for years as they break my heart
[attachment=51][attachment=52][attachment=53][attachment=54][attachment=55]Oh cool! It worked!
OK a few more so you can understand how much this hurts....
hey not only did I manage to find these on an old shutterfly account, I somehow managed to make them part of the thread - i thought they would be thumbnails
Ha! The one at the bottom was the one I posted first. I wentt back and pushed a button that says attach pictures to post (or something like that) and that is what happened - I had to push the button for each one
RE: Advice Needed Please! - Angel - 03-06-2014
Well those are nice photos, but from the age of the girl some years have passed. I hope you get answers. Don't get taken. I hope your daughter gets this sorted out. Sometimes it may mean walking away. We can't help everyone.
RE: Advice Needed Please! - Schuttzie - 03-06-2014
All very good advice here, Rootswoman~ It is and can be heartbreaking but you need to find out the truth. Thinking of you and prayers so you can use your heart to find what is best. ((HUGS))
RE: Advice Needed Please! - rootswoman - 03-06-2014
I very much appreciate all of the advice in this thread. I put out the word to a couple people on facebook and hopefully someone will look into this for us. We kind of always knew that she would look for us again - I just hope this awful story is true - wait - that isin't the right thing to wish for at all - but i think it would be even harder to find out it's not true. I would hate to think she could have been that corrupted - however we all know Jamaica.... sigh...
One minute i feel so guilty for thinking it could be a scam , the next minute I think of all the scams I have heard about over the years and how foolish I would be to blindly believe.