Bobo told me the night I read the thread that Jitterbug started not to post anything that night, but to wait, but I didn't listen, and I should have, because I should have either explained fully what I meant, or not posted anything at all, so I am going to try and rectify that. I am holding myself really responsible for what I didn't say..for what I didn't do, because I did feel uncomfortable in the car on the ride home and said nothing, and that is on me.

But it's all about perception, all about trying to understand where the other person is coming from, and I am going to try and explain where I am coming from and what my personal perceptions are.

First of all, the breakfast that morning was lovely, and I enjoyed the company and the conversation, and no, the topic wasn't all about Rastagirl; it just wasn't like that, and I do apologize for having left that impression.

I also appreciated the invitation, although I will be honest and say that the comments afterwards concerning my accepting it really hurt and angered me, but like I responded, I am more than willing to pay anyone back for ANYTHING that was extended to me that is now regretted, even if it was offered free at the time.

Now you need to understand something about me. I will say anything in front of someone's face that I will to their back, but I feel uncomfortable passing judgement on someone I have never personally met, and that is just me. So after the breakfast and the tour of Just Natural is over and we get into the car I have to be honest and say that I got really uncomfortable with the direction the conversation took at that time, and didn't see what was even funny about the drive by and jokes about the "yaad", but I didn't say anything at the time at all.

And see that is what bothers me most of all about this whole thing. Not that I pissed my friends off and they might not even want to be me friends anymore, because that wasn't my intent, but that I really let myself down.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about my life experiences, but I do need to say that there was a time in my life when I was picked on and made fun of and it escalated to a dangerous and violent level, and one of the things that always got to me about that time was all the people who turned and looked the other way and pretended they didn't see anything and didn't say anything, and I always told myself that if anyone was ever being made fun of or picked on and I was around I would stand up for that person...

and this may not even be the case, this may not have even been what transpired in the car on the way back, and my perceptions may be totally skewed and off, but my perception is that someone I had no personal issue with was being mocked and attacked for no particular reason I could see...and I went along..

and see, that's what I meant when I posted that I felt dirty and complicit..because as soon as I read what had been posted, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe if I had spoken up at the time, that someone as nice as Jitterbug really is might have thought twice before posting something that makes her look that snarky and snide, because honestly, that is the way it came off to me when I read it, and I know in reading the responses, that it came off to others that way as well.

Look, I know that there is some kind of animosity towards here by some because I guess to some she has given off the impression that she is, to be blunt, a bit of a know it all, but again, that is perceptions, and that has been what it is of some..but it has never been that of me.

And I never made that clear before, I never said anything, and only after reading what was posted did I make a response that only made things worse. And I'm really sorry I pissed people off, and if anyone wants to get anything I would owe like they want me to pay for a meal or what was a gift or anything, I am at Negril Escape or Amy Pike on facebook and I may be broke at the end of the month, but am not a freeloader or a mooch or a leech, just someone who mistakenly took an invitation at face value, and didn't realize it meant I had to check my conscience in at the door.

medi, i'm sorry i made that comment. that was uncalled for of me and i apologize. . . .

"However RG can stay 3 'TREE'months without incident."
That has nothing to do with my yard. That's a combination of LUCK and who I am and who I hang out with. I operate firmly under the credo of "watch your head, watch your step" where ever I go, including Jamaica.

It would be nice to get a straight answer about what exactly transpired - JB has presented conflicting information there. But I'm not going to worry about it. Perceptions is perceptions - you can peek through gates and attempt to see something that is not there because in the end you can only guess what goes on REALLY behind the walls, fences and gates of any yard anywhere on the planet.

Medi,
Three Cheers! - you are one incredible woman.

I have kept in the shadows because this all felt like something I did not want to be a part of but it has been bothering me a lot as I feel like it is a stack of misperceptions.

I know Rastagirl is a strong highly intelligent and opinionated woman. I always enjoy her (your ;-) ) "perspective". I have watched her get under certain people’s skin - and I never totally understand, because this is cyber space, and because I have my self enforced boundaries i.e. I don't let people I have never met get to me. I always try to understand where they are coming from and meet them there.

For example - Rastagirl sometimes reminds me of a certain poster that we all knew on the other board who became a very talented water color artist and lives in NY.NY. Her posts were well though out - intelligent and opinionated. She had a lot to say and was not afraid to say it. Her posts would often tick me off but I would slow down sit back and think about what and why she is saying things and it would all make sense – I grew to value and respect her posts.

She was real just like Rasta Girl is real. They are who they are. They are not braggarts they are just upfront and honest – they are living their lives and not afraid to talk about it.

Now I am not from NY but I know a lot of folks from NY and they are different from the people I know from Canada - the people I know from Boston, the people I know from the Mid West, the people I know from Cali… etc.

When I read peoples posts, stories, trip reports and opinions I think about what I do know about that person and consider their point of view – or perspective as Medi so eloquently put it.

If a poster is from NY ,I read their posts imagining a NY accent and then it all makes sense to me. Most of the people I know from NY are smart, blunt as hell, opinionated, strong willed, loud and pushy – but when I see beyond those things (which I kinda like and admire) they interesting, stimulating, loyal, thoughtful and often very funny.

For many years I was a waitress – I worked in seaside resorts in seasonal jobs chasing the sun. I served people from all over the country and there were noticeable differences.

When a table of NewYorkers showed up they would be the loudest pains in the butts – but in the end they would tip the best and they would come back and remember my name.

Now I know a lot less about Jitters than I have read about RG – but I have read that Jitters first language is not English. I have no idea what it is – but I keep that in mind if she writes something that makes me pause. Things just don’t always translate right and that is the bottom line.

Well this is my sermon for the day lol

I think we are all good people sharing a similar love – some may get to love it more often and for longer times than others – but it is what it is.

Can’t we simply accept and celebrate our differences. If you struggle with that, try imagining various accent when you read peoples posts – you will find yourself being far less judgmental - it really does help!

.

Yawn. Feel like I'm back in Jr High reading all this back and forth bullshit.

Medi,
It was a pleasure meeting and hanging with you this past week. Thanks for the invite to come hang at your new yard, the three of us enjoyed your time and company. If you are still there at the end of the year I am hunting you down. Respect lady.

Respect Medi...humility is not a trait that is easy to embrace, and you did it with grace also!! Will be in JA at the end of July for most of August along with Feb 2014 so if you are around, I would love to meet up and hang out!