Yay........ looking forward to the the jerk fest lots of jerk and cheap drink!!!

lit, are u going to the jerk fest at 3 dives...i hate to say that it is going downhill...i.m.o....i do not think we should have to pay 300j. to get in there to buy food...the variety is very limited and all in all i think it just sucks...have u been? the 1st couple were ok...but now, it is down rite boring and expensive...3 dives has become very hit and miss...unfortunately more miss...peace

Reminded me of this joke I read many years ago!!

Notes From An Inexperienced Jerk Chicken Taster
Named FRANK, from Boston, who was visiting Jamaica:

"Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding Famous
celebrity
in Jamaica, to be a judge at a Jerk Chicken cook-off, because no one
else
wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last
moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking
directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the
other

two judges (Jamaicans) that the Jerk Chicken wouldn't be all that
spicy,
and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so
I
accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1: "Mosiah's Hell Raiser Jerk Chicken"
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on pimento. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy smokes, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove
dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me
two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one.
These people are crazy.

Chili # 2: "Shatta's Mo Fyah Jerk Chicken"
JUDGE ONE: Smoky flavor. Slight Scotch Bonnet tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this @#$%& out of reach of children! I'm not sure what
I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to
wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich
maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line.

Chili # 3: "Willie's Backstrech Burn Jerk Chicken"
JUDGE ONE: Great kick. Needs more spices.
JUDGE TWO: A bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: This has got to be a &%$#@ joke. Call
the @#$%& EPA; I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine
by now and got the &$@%# out of my way so I could make it to
the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my
backbone is in the front part of my chest.

Chili # 4: "Wasp's Black Magic"
JUDGE ONE: Almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Good side dish for other mild foods.
FRANK: &%$#@!!! I felt something scraping
across my tongue, but I was unable to taste it. Miss Icey,
the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills so I
wouldn't have to dash over to see her.

Chili # 5: "My Yout's Legal Lip Remover"
JUDGE ONE: Scotch Bonnet peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Must admit the Scotch Bonnet peppers
make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer
focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
the &%$#@ paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told
her that her Jerk Chicken had given me brain damage. Miss Icey
saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher.
Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to
stop screaming.

Chili # 6: "Shelly T's Very Spicy Variety"
JUDGE ONE: Good balance of spices and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers and spices. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous
flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally.

Chili # 7: "Wally's Screaming Sensation Jerk Chicken"
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre Jerk Chicken with too much reliance on bottled
seasoning.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw on bottled seasoning at
the
last moment.
I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3.
He appears to be in a bit of distress.
FRANK: I think these @$%& people are trying to kill me!!! You could
put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the
world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are
covered
with Jerk, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point.
Good! At the autopsy they'll know what the &$#@ killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing, it's too painful, and I'm not
getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in
through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8: "Portia's Delight"
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend Jerk Chicken,
safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its
existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced Jerk Chicken,
neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of
it was lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled the Jerk
Chicken platter on top of himself.
FRANK: -------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
************************************************************ ****************

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