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+--- Thread: April 1 headlines you wont find (/showthread.php?tid=100895)
April 1 headlines you wont find - CardBoardBox - 04-01-2015
New ganja law includes tax provisions
Negril Road to get toll gate
National flag changes suggested
April 1, 2015
Assemblyman Hokum in Kingston announced that all ganja sales shall be subject to tax.
"At $70,000 a kilo (J$31,000 per pound), the governess has decreed that a Specific Consumption Tax (SCT) of 100% is appropiate and necessary and shall be collected on a wholesale level effective this date of 4/1/15."
He continued at the press conference with "This SGT will also apply to splifs sold individually since most splifs are large enough for the tax stamp to be affixed."
It has been rumored that the Assemblyman's nephew being given the contract to produce the tax stamp could not be confirmed, but Ass Hokum said the stamp would be a locally produced hemp product.
Negril police Chief Gottcha announced that a toll gate would be installed at the northern most part of the West End Road.
"We needed a way to deter criminals from entering the West End and received approval for a gatehouse and gate." Because the gate would have to be manned, or womaned, the toll was decided upon but will be set at "whatever silver they have."
After the meeting he confessed that the original intent had been to install a sleeping policeman, in the interest of public safety against speeders but the public might have been confused which sleeping policeman was being refered to.
The date for installation could not be announced because Chief Gottcha's niece was still waiting for the gate parts to clear customs at the whalf.
In other news, a secretive flag committee, specially appointed when certain people required employment, announced that the Jamaican flag is going to change colour. This was attributed to the extra-special committee when the Canadian accounting firm of Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga and Smith conveyed that the red colour, originally representing the blood of forebarers, was needed in Kingston for printing the 2016 budget, which was expected to be available by 2017.
Editors note; Next week will be featured the new, simplified tax return filing. The form will contain only two lines. How much did you earn, and, "send amount on line 1"
The above headlines, only available as an April One edition, are likely to be challanged by the losers of the previous election but are still on the government payroll, which is pretty much everyone.