Gosh you guys really put a lot of pressure on a person. But since you have been so long-suffering waiting for a report, I’m going to give it a run. Problem in I’m going to have to edit myself – and no, I’m not giving all the detail nor the names. That being said. . . .

Got to our home-away-from-home and started to settle in. It was good to see familiar faces. I’m SURE this is going to be a great stay now that “he” has been banished, I’m sure it will all run smoothly. Oh wait, we are in Jamaica and nothing is as it seems. Go to our rooms and - - no cable, no TV. My lawd, isn’t this how my last stay here started? “There are no more TV’s” OH GOD kill me now, this is a rerun, a bad rerun. I’m ready to pack my bags, I’m not putting up with this again. I storm off. Sophie stayed and worked some things out. There would be a TV available on Mon-Tue (I forget) and cable guy wouldn’t be back until then. Okay, I’ll stay till then but if there is any more slackness, I’m leaving. I really don’t care if I have a TV and cable but it’s Richie’s vacation too and I knew he’d really like it.

It was that in-between time too- late for lunch and too early for supper so we decided to head to Hammonds for a little bite. I’m in line, starting to give my order and a Jamaican woman shoulders me aside, or I should say TRIED to shoulder me aside. I’m having none of it. This is not my first time at the dance and I’m tired of the rudeness (oh lawd it’s only day one). I gave as good as I got and got suck-teeth for my effort. Too bad little miss, you have messed with the wrong tourist this time.

I have no idea which days were sunny and which rainy. After 23 trips, I just don’t keep track. Let it be known that most days were sunny, not too hot, sea was calm in the mornings and mostly rough in the afternoon. Just typical Spring in Negril. I think I do remember only one day being a total rain day and that was the day before we left. I never mind it then, because it gives me a reason to leave.

Our first full day there was spent getting settled in. Gotta make sure we have the kitchen stocked. That evening there was going to be karaoke at Travellers. The four of us decided to check it out. I really couldn’t believe it myself. Smokey and Sophie NEVER go out at night. We decided we’d go ahead and eat dinner there too.

I had to make everyone pose for photos because we VERY seldom get cleaned up and go out. This might have been only the second time Richie and I have gotten Sophie and Smokey out for an entire evening. (Someday I’ll have to tell you the story about the 1st time we got them to go to a show at Roots.)

Oh wait, I forgot to say that I’d met someone from the boards while swimming that afternoon. She is our kind of people so we invited her along. Now there were 5. We get to Travellers, got a table right by the sea. It is really beautiful there. Nice view of Negril and the 7 mile beach and the sunset. We got our menus and about fell out. Geez their prices were high. Then I think it was Smokey who asked “Don’t you have just sandwiches or fried chicken (this was early in the trip, we still wanted chicken) or something?” Good thing he asked – they brought out lunch menus. Now that was more like it. I got the conch burger and it was the best I’ve had since I lived in the Bahamas!

People started coming in, music was starting, and singers with the karaoke company were doing some warm up songs – Gospel music. Not exactly what we were looking for. But we hung in there. People came and joined our table and the party grew. Then people from the “other” board came in and you could feel the tension start. People who had sat down at our table couldn’t wait to get away before being seen with us. Oh god it was funny.

Now other singers started getting up – but dang, doesn’t anyone know how to sing reggae? People started dancing (well I use that term loosely when speaking of one individual who more or less grabs her breasts and lifts her leg to anyone who will watch – yes, she always wears a dress). They started dancing with each other, then with each other’s significant others, then three of them “dancing” together. It was really a train wreck you couldn’t look away from.

Since one of the people coming to sing was coaxed there (by someone who didn’t show up) with the promise of a free drink by some of her fans, I decided to put one on my tab. Yes, I said tab! I’ve NEVER run a tab in Jamaica. I didn’t even know it was possible. Our waiter, since dinner, was taking care of us and I made sure he knew to put this person’s first drink on my tab. This person a little later in the evening said she’d had three drinks and just wanted to make sure she understood that I was paying for one. “Yes, I told the waiter to put your first one on my tab.” I could tell that she expected me to pick up the three drinks but that wasn’t happening. Like Smokey likes to say “I was born at night, but it wasn’t last night.” I know how the running are and I don’t play that shit. If people want to move to Jamaica, wonderful, but don’t expect me to foot your bills while I’m there.

We continued to have a pretty interesting evening but it was well past our bedtime so the five of us head out. It was such fun having our 5th person. It was just like the many trips when we had another buxom blond in our group. We now have our new “girlie” (and not in a creepy way – we don’t hang that way – unlike some of the people we would meet on this trip – NO I’m not giving names).

As we reach YB and head off to our rooms, our newest member gets a call. . . but it’s for me. “Tell Pineapple she forgot to pay her tab.” “Oh shit!” Richie and I hurry back. I’m so embarrassed. We walk up to the bar where the waiter and a manager are standing. They were very understanding. He showed me my tab. “You had one Smirnoff Ice, then two rounds of rum and oj, making for 5 drinks.” “Yes, that’s right.” But then he shows me another receipt for a half fifth bottle of J&B. “The rasta put this on your tab.” “No way, I never authorized that, I bought one drink for the woman. I just met her rasta tonight and I don’t buy drinks for strangers.” “Well actually the woman told him to put it on your tab.” “Well, then I guess you need to go back to the woman and get her to buy HER rasta’s drink.”

It’s starting already. One day into a 14 day trip and I’m pissed at have of Negril.

PS: Traveller’s has the most beautiful bathrooms in Jamaica.

Wow, I need a drink!

Hmm, very interesting indeed! Please carry on!

I would like a drink too...this is very entertaining....

Wow we are hooked now. Nice photo of you & Richie, Smoky & Richie and of you and Sophie. See that Medi sang too. So do tell.

Pineapple wrote:

'
This might have been only the second time Richie and I have gotten Sophie and Smokey out for an entire evening. (Someday I’ll have to tell you the story about the 1st time we got them to go to a show at Roots.)'

Ahhhh the Roots story. Well, so, we had not known Pineapple and Mickey that long at the time I don't think. Somehow it was decided it would be a good idea to go to Roots. I remember at one point Mickey, Smokey and I were sitting along some kind of wall listening to the music. Pretty soon I noticed that Pineapple and Richie were missing. I say to Mickey "where are Pineapple and Richie?". She says "they went to the car". I go to Smokey and say "Oh my god, what the hell kind of people are we here with?" The freakin' car is parked right along the walkway---- they went to the car to have sex IN FRONT of everyone? They are grown ass people and they couldn't wait until they got back to the room like decent people? Oh my god I was up in arms about the whole situation. Little while later I see Pineapple, I ask where they had been(just waiting to be grossed out), she says, "right there, at the.......bar. I'm like, Mickey???? She said" I TOLD YOU they were at the BAR. Stupid ass loud music.....no wonder I never go out. As you can imagine this story has been told and retold amongst us many times-LOL

I left out another person who pissed me off on day two (let’s see how many is that now?). Sophie and I headed out to Value Master for trip two. We are minding our own business, just pushing our little cart through the aisles “Hey, you need to change some money?” “No way, you guys are con artists and cheat people.” “No we don’t.” “Then how do you make any money giving the same rate as the banks and cambios?” (inquiring minds really wanted to know) “Well, you see our boss needs US cash to go abroad and buy cars to bring back to sell.” Hummm, I’m thinking this makes no sense at all, does that make sense to you? Well, it was Sunday and I had no money exchanged yet and we were going out that night, let me see what kind of game he’s playing. Besides, I felt like messing with him. “Sure I’ll exchange $60 at your 98-1 rate.” He leaves the store. A few minutes later we’re approached again by another “money changer” (in Shakespeare's time they called it something else didn’t they).

So, before we check out I do some fast math – actually Sophie and I try to do fast math but it took us a little while, numbers aren’t our thing. But we had it figured out. We check-out and step out in the parking lot. Of course our “friend” was waiting. I’m holding the $60 tightly in my hand. He starts to count the money – REALLY fast into his own hand. “Oh, no. Start over and count it slowly into my hand.” He starts over “One thousand, two thousand, .. .. .. .. there, $5,600.” And he started to put his money away. “Wait just a damn minute that isn’t right.” “Yes it is.” “No, it should be $5,880. Here let me get the calculator on my phone out and see who’s right. I KNOW how you guys work” This pissed him off to the max. He took the small bills back, slapped another $1,000 in my hand and stormed off.

Yes people, I got better than 98-1 and one pissed off money-changer.

Then the next time Sophie and I drive in the parking lot of Value Master he’s right at my door opening it saying “Here I am, your body guard.” I push past him and tell him I don’t need a body guard, a friend or another boyfriend. He is all indignant and wants to know why I’m being so mean. “You tried to cheat me and I don’t take kindly to that.” “How did I try to cheat you? You got your money.” We are now in the middle of the parking lot drawing a lot of looks. “Fine, you want me to tell you exactly how you tried to cheat me in front of these nice tourist? Let’s tell them all your little game?” He walked off mumbling to himself. “Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

Now do you see why I need a little space between me and Jamaica right now? I'm sure a lot of Jamaicans are happy with my absense too. I promise, the entire trip wasn't like this -- (but unfortunately these are the things that are stuck in my craw right now) and I will be posting some positive thing, at least I hope.

I think we could all use a few pretty pictures to remind us why, even with all the BS, we keep coming back again and again and again. . .

YB..I love the bar !!! and Marcia and her cake and Bonita fish. What a great person she is. Then Neville every afternoon around 2-3 o'clock.

I'm 99.9% sure who the "leg lifter" is ~